Love Courtship and Marriage

ANNIVERSARIES
Always celebrate! Whether it's the 1st or the 50th, each year together is
a triumph.

APPRECIATION
Let each other know how much you appreciate each other.
You may already know but hearing it from each other is always better.

BEST FRIENDS
Be best friends preferably before being boyfriend-girlfriend.
Take time to know each other so the relationship will be a deep one.
Tell each other about your crushes, dreams and problems.
Make sure he/she is your best friend before getting engaged.
The strong bond of friendship will help you both survive tough times.

BOND
Make it a point to spend time together often but leave room for each other. Also spend time alone w/ each other, so that at the end of the day you could both share your experiences. This way, you stay interesting with your partner.

CHANGING EACH OTHER
Don't marry an as...le, j.... or a bi.... (an unsuitable person) You'll never change each other. You cannot change a person, only God.

COMPLIMENTS
Always compliment each other.
This will prevent feelings of resentment & thinking that one is being taken for granted.

DATE
Keep doings things that you both enjoy, do them together.
Make time & continue to date to keep the romance - look good, smell good to maintain physical attraction.

DIFFERENCES
Celebrate differences. Never force your ideologies down each other's throat. Give up trying to turn your partner into you. Accept differences, appreciate them.

FAITH
Keep the faith. This is the top most secret of all. A relationship who is not founded with God cannot withstand the test and the storm that will come along the way. Remember that God is love and He is the ultimate source of love, so get a renewed love for each other from Him. It is also advisable to have a relationship with someone who share the same faith walk with what you have. Different faith may cause division among the family in the future.

FIGHTS
Fight w/the aim to resolve the issue. Don't outdo each other.
The longer you extend the fight, the more chances that you'll say something hurtful that you don't really mean. As mad as you were w/ your partner, he/she is still the person who laughs at your jokes & thinks you're hot. Remember, that God says do not let the sun goes down without resolving the argument. Hear each other out, don't dig up old issues. Choose your battles.
Make sure the fight will be worth it & that something will change in the relationship as a result of the fight.

FLAWS
Know that the perfect person does not exist.
Know that just as there are things that you love about him/her, there will be things that will make you go crazy.
We are only human with our own flaws.

FUN
Have fun together! This means keeping the fun & spontaneity that was there in the early days.
Allow yourselves to get silly. Being able to make each other laugh & see the lighter, crazier, absurd side is the best way to get through all the differences in personalities, adjustments in lifestyle & opposing viewpoints.

GOALS
Make sure you have similar goals.
It would be difficult to keep your bond intact if your views are complete opposite.

GRUDGES
Quit tabulating grudges. Let it off. Discuss it, then trash it, don't recycle it.

KEEP IT BURNING
Keep the love burning by traveling to diffirent places together.
A new setting will do wonders.

HONESTY
Don't lie or hide things. The problem will only get bigger.

KNOW EACH OTHER
Learn each other's interest. It really keeps the conversation flowing!

HOLD HANDS
hold each other's hand while walking, this will give you since of security in your commitment to each other

IDENTITY
Don't lose your personality - that's why he/she fell in love w/you.


INDEPENDENCE
Have separate interest & activities to keep you individual, & to be able to contribute more to the relationship.
Be prepared in times in which you will be far away from each other.

IN-LAWS
Make rooms for the in-laws.

INTENTIONS
Wish each other well. Don't wish each other worst. Make it a habit to pray for blessings and wisdom everyday.

ISSUES
Speak up about the awkward stuff now,like money, decisions, etc. The earlier, the better.

LISTEN
Listen, listen, listen. Hear each other out especially during arguments.

LOOK GOOD
Mind your appearance! Stay fit & healthy for each other.

LOVE
It all boils down to your love, chemistry & respect for each other. Ensure that the love of God radiates in your relationship.

MEMORIES
Remind each other of the old days. Do something that you used to do for each other before.
It may even be corny but it made you two together.
Experience new things together- from dining into a new restaurant to experiencing street food together to exploring to new places. It's the little surprises that make great memories.

MIND READING
No matter how long you've been together, do not think that you can read each other's mind.

NEEDS
Be good to yourself, then be good to your partner.
Be very attentive & sensitive to each other's needs, physically (for married couple only) & emotionally,
that way your partner learns to do the same for you.
Never take your partner for granted.

PRIORITIES
If one says it's important, then it is! Prioritize each other among other things!

SPACE
Give each other space. Have dates with your girlfriends, have your boy's night out.
If you can't trust each other with this, then don't get married.

SORRY
Say sorry when you're wrong.

SURPRISES
No matter how long you've known each other, be open to surprises, both good or bad.

TEAMWORK
Think for two & always work as a team.
Consult each other before making a decision because everything will always affect both of you.
Strengthen couple power.
In many ways, we have to decide based on what is best for the relationship in favor of what the plans of God for your relationship.

SUPPORT
Support each other's dream. Be willing to follow your passions, support your partner in his/her decisions & create new ones together.
Two heads are better than one.

TALK
Tell each other's stories. Life goes by so fast & its easy to see how easily couple can grow apart.
Whenever something funny, scary,exciting or corny happened to you or to someone you know, tell each other about it & have your partner do the same. Keep each other in the loop of life, even by email if you have to and texting. Never stop communicating even if you've been together for so long.



Lastly, I wanna share an Eulogy of an Idian wife to her Chinese husband who passed away.

Indian Woman: I stand before all of you to give an eulogy of my husband. I know almost all the people here speaks on the possitive side of my husband's character or him being a great person. But it is surprising when somebody will speak about the negative side of the that person, which I'm going to do right now. Allow me to tell you that my husband really snores so bad. He snores like an old crunky car and I'm not happy about it, I get irritated about it. He has a lot of imperfections. But I want you to understand that through that imperfections, our marriage become perfect and desirable. Now, I'm going to miss that crunky old car like snore when I wake up in the morning. I'm going to miss his imperfections for the rest of my days. My hopes is that my children will find their imperfect spouses in the future so that they can have a desirable married life. Thank you!

Everyone in the crowd were clapping and was so blessed with that eulogy.

Friends, never be afraid and hide your imperfections, because that made you who you are. Never search for a perfect partner in life because you gonna end up disapponted. Evaluate the imperfections of a person whom you like or who pursues you. If you can live with it, then don't be afraid to give your commitment to him/her.

• No young man has the right to ask a young and innocent woman to marry him until he is acquainted with the characteristics of the female gender. The real woman wants a real man, the strong, the resolute man who knows what life is all about and is willing to face it responsibly. She can never truly give herself to a wimp, and a sissy she cannot respect and of whom she is not proud to call her husband.
• The woman wants a husband that will provide for her the needs of life. If the man wants a wife whom he inserts in to the market place to provide him with a level of living he desires, he needs to marry a horse, not a lady. God did not give her to you to become a source of income for you, but love and to cherish.
• The number one need in a woman’s life is the need for security. Man, if you cannot provide that, stay single: you have not grown up yet. Man, if you do not know how to gratify and satisfy the woman’s number one need, and she has to work outside the home so you can live above your means: how shall she find comfort in your love making.
• Know this, for a man to merely be content when his sexual satisfaction is complete, without her having reached climax, will soon drive her away from the marriage bed and into depression.
• Every man should know that the woman, the wife God has given him, is His GRINDSTONE: the utensil He intends to use to grind you and shape you, and mold your life into what He wants you to be, or to become. The same is true for the wife. When you get on each other’s nerves, and bug each other, it is God’s grindstone sharpening the ax of life into a utensil fit for His service. Get used to it, accept it, and accept your mate, as they are, not for what you would like them to become: and God will bless your marriage.
• The woman needs know that even a real man is a bit of a phony. He exudes his masculinity to all who will listen; but underneath it all is a vein of tenderness that he hides from all but a wife whom he adores and seeks to please. If she is ignorant of this, then she will not know how to supply his needs and meet the calls of nature.
• The real key to a happy marriage is allowing Christ into your marriage from the first. To do so you must come to the end of the Me Me life of the past, and consider the other first before your own needs or desires.
• Man, God wants to be so in your life that He can use your mates fleshly resources to cause you to stop reacting to every tempting bit of fluff that comes down the street.
• Never expect more of marriage than you are willing to put in to it. Too many do and quickly become disappointed with each other and life itself. Do not look for anything approaching perfection, look in the mirror, you did not achieve that either. Remember it is often the imperfections in life that cause us to sympathize and appreciate each other. Even the most charming and adorable pf persons have their weaknesses. It our willingness to forbear each others infirmities, that makes the home a delightful place, and the marriage a joy-filled experience.
• Remember, marriage will never be what you expected it to be: it will only be what you make of it. It can be the source from which can radiate all the glories and joys life can hold for us. It can also be the source from which the deepest cares are generated. The joys of the wedding morning are soon displaced by the anxious cares of the daily life. If it entered into understandingly, lived thoughtfully, and practiced patiently, it just may turn out for the best. If this is so, then no matter how good it may begin, the best is still to come.

• First, understand that courtship and falling love is not to be found any place in Scripture as a basis for marriage. It will not be love that will hold the marriage together: it will be the marriage that will put love into the relationship as each commit themselves, one to the other. Unlike courtship, the marriage is quiet another thing. We have become big on weddings, but fall terribly short on marriages, and the Church has supported it by ministers becoming merchants for weddings, that never should have taken place at all. For a minister of the Gospel, to conduct a Church wedding, giving God’s blessing, to a man and a woman, that does not meet scriptural requirements, is abominable to the persons, to the Church they represent, to God, and the office they hold. God will hold them accountable. Also, for a minister of the Gospel to allow them selves to become pawns in the hands of a couple seeking to be united in marriage in the Church; and then allow them or their family to dictate the rules that will govern the wedding: place, time, words to be spoken, attire to be worn, and whether they will comply to accepting counseling prior to the wedding; is shameful at best and sinful at worst. So be warned, that when planning the wedding, select carefully the person that will perform it and make sure he has both God’s guidance, and your interests at heart. If not, he is a charlatan; and a pretender: shun him.

• Second, Planning the Wedding
• First: When planning the wedding, it should be done with an eye on the effect it will have on the marriage, not on the effect it may have on your friends.
• Ask yourselves, what can you: YOU, not your parents, afford for a wedding. To expect your parents to provide you with an outlandish and extravagant wedding at no cost to you is boorish and greedy. Look carefully at the party in the wedding that takes no thought as to who pays, as long as you both have it. It will tell you much about the person’s priorities: and their interests may not be yours. The wedding should be designed to glorify God, not the participants: so be careful that the party which has little concern who pays and how much may pose a danger to your future financial prospects, and the problems that lie ahead.
• The honeymoon for the most part is an extravagance that most young people cannot afford financially. Take serious thought as to your outlay on this and keep it simple. The ruin of many marriages is when the couple come home from the honeymoon to find they are head over heels in debt and no way out. Hide away, spend the honeymoon in an place unknown by your friends, even the family. The experience is to be with each other, not where you spend it.
• The Content of the Wedding:
• The wedding ceremony is to be a worship service: It is to be a service of adoration; to God first, and for each other second. “Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it.”[Psalm 127:1]. The foundation of this house of marriage that is being built must begin with the selection of a proper mate. This begins with your conduct in the courtship, and extends to the wedding and afterward. Lay well these foundations on the rock of moral purity and respect for each other, and the house will stand. If you build them on the fickle sand of; sensuality, and lust, and it will not withstand the onslaught of the storms life will bring, and they will surely come.
• In planning the wedding, if it is to be a Church wedding: Or, is to be conducted by a Minister of the Gospel, then he should be consulted first as to the content and conduct of it. It is very un-thoughtful to secure a secular wedding planner for a Christian service, without first seeking the counsel of the Minister. It is well to use one to assist, but they should always be under the guidance and control of the Minister. The Church and all that happens within it is his responsibility to you and to God. Of course the wedding planner, or person to assist the bride, should oversee the wedding once it is
  Some Ministers have an ethical standard they will not violateplanned and agreed upon: However, that persons authority must never supercede that of the Minister.
• Some Ministers have an ethical standard they will not violate, such as performing weddings for divorcees, unchristian couples, couples where one is lost and the other is a Christian, and couples living together out of wedlock. He should not be faulted for this; his authority is and always must be God’s Word. He would not expect you to violate your code of ethical standards, why should he violate his. If the couple cannot meet these requirements, and accept pre-marital counseling: then they need to move on to someone who will, not insist that because he is their Minister, he lower his standards to meet their expectations. If the marriage is to be sanctioned by the Church, and God’s blessings are to be sought; then do not bring the secular into it, keep it holy, or get it out of the Church.
• Some advice for a few, and some thoughts for others.
  I know that some will say, but what about divorcees, and about Christians marrying the unsaved, and people who are living together in adultery at the time? For those living in adultery: for the true minister of the Gospel to put the seal of God’s approval on such a wedding, is an abomination to God, and to the office he holds. To join together two people who are living a lifestyle God has called “adultery”; is a disgrace to the ministry, God will hold him accountable. For a minister to do that: he is saying to the youth and unlearned in attendance, and those souls for whom he is accountable, “God was wrong children, adultery is OK as long as you end with the proper act. No wonder so many youth have no regard for ministers, or the Church, or God’s Word. If it can be so lowly regarded by the preacher, and for special occasions, then, to them it has no real meaning in the first place.
  
  God said, man and woman are to become one flesh; and that means; “till death us do part”; No exceptions. Oh, He allows for separation when two cannot dwell together in Christian fellowship: when one is saved after they are married, and the unsaved party will not allow that person to be obedient to God, and Christ Jesus. But, God said, “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” [Exod. 20:14]. Jesus said that “From the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave [KOLLAO, Grk. Meaning to join fast together, to glue, cement..] to his wife; And they shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
  ...and shall marry another committeth adulteryWhat therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder.” [MARK 10:6-9]. Having become one, they can never again be two. Scripturally man cannot separate what God has joined. Only God can do that. Jesus said in Matthew 19:9 “Whosoever shall put away his wife, except for fornication, and shall marry another committeth adultery, And whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.” Now the word fornication must not be construed to be adultery. Fornication, in the Hebrew, that which Jesus was speaking, at the time He made this statement, is ZANAH; meaning, “Unlawful intercourse of an unwed person”. Adulturous wives were to be stoned to death, not given again in marriage. Women, or wives to whom one was betrothed,[not yet having come together] upon finding that she could not prove her virginity, was said to be guilty of fornication. Then, if she could not prove her innocence, prior to consummation of the marriage [IE, intercourse], the husband to be could then be freed from her:[note: Mary, when she was found to be with child, Joseph was “minded to put her away privly.”] The only way a girl on such an occasion could then be proven innocent was to spend three months under the control of the priest to determine if she were fit or not. Mary went to the house of Elizabeth, her cousin. It was also the house Zacharias, the priest. After the three months, having proven her virginity to the priest, she was then free wed to Joseph: her virginity had been verified. So, then it behooves all persons, both Ministers, and individuals; that they be very careful about what constitutes fornication, what constitutes adultery.
• The Wedding Day.
  The wedding day is the most trying day in a woman’s life; and especially to a virgin woman. She will spend every waking moment under extreme pressure. It will culminate, not at the ceremony; but in the first hours in a room with a man for the first time. For the first time she will be in his passionate embrace in a moment from which she now has no escape as in the past. How shall she be expected to respond? What will her first sexual experience be like? Will he love her still? Will she make him happy? Will it be a bad experience and he will scorn her? What is she to do, she knows not, having had no experience.
  Some advice to the husband; that just may save your marriage, her respect for you in her eyes, and your future. Remember, on this day she has been under intense pressure, all day. You, on the other hand, have merely been an observer, one of the audience, as it were a bystander. You can’t wait for the intercourse to begin. You are in a state of passionate desire, she, on the other hand is in a state of near terror. LISTEN, AND LISTEN WELL. If you love her more than just as a sex object, do not press her into having to succumb to your desires suddenly, or even that same night. She needs tenderness now, not a rape job. She needs patience, gentleness, time and understanding on your part. To demand, or expect her to be comfortable at being undressed before you, to be naked and exposed in the room or in bed, with a man for the first time, is a frightening experience. Do not complicate things by forcing yourself upon her to satisfy your desires.
  
  Allow me to share a story. At the close of a graduation exercise for the last of three children: the wife, a mother in her late forties turned to her husband and said. “Tom, now the children are all grown and gone, you will not see me anymore. If you have any communication for me, contact me through my lawyer”. Shocked beyond belief, he asked, why? What have I done? She replied, “You raped me on our wedding night, when I was innocent, scared, and did not know what to do. I have never forgiven you for that, and it is to late now.” With that she walked away and a lifetime of being together was over: all because of a man who only had regard for his satisfaction, without considering her feelings. It could happen to you.
  
  Forget sex that first night, you have a lifetime to take care of that. Enjoy each other in the intimacy of embracing, touching, and the fun of being together in this new experience. Man, let her lead and you follow. Do not be the aggressor, but the tender, loving, and considerate companion she needs at this time. When you have both rested, and she has overcome her fright and worst expectations; she will cherish that day and night the rest of her life with fond remembrance, not with bitter recollection. The next day you have all the time you need for her to become at ease with the touching, and exposure: Then in love she will submit willingly: and all her sexual fantasies will not have forever been ruined, or at least tainted with subdued anger at the remembrance of passion out of control.

Love is the power that drives the human soul.

It is the weapon with which Omnipotence uses to conquer the savage nature that is within us. It is the power of love that melts the frigid heart of the rebel, and satisfies the yearning heart of the lonely.
Love is the climate in which the human heart finds its true moral atmosphere. When that love is spoiled by the disgrace of lustful impurity, the souls are destined to battle against the moral nature God first implanted in the human heart.

True love is the proof of moral excellence. It is the melody of the soul that makes the heart glad and lifts our spirits to heights of joy.
True love can look backward without shame, and forward with assured hope because it is pure and unashamed. It glorifies the present by the pure light of ones proven past. This kind of love engenders undying trust and total loyalty.
True love frees us from our slavery to ourselves, bondage to the “what’s in it for me” complex. It is unsordid and unspoiled by past acts of pleasure that later brings guilt and shame that must be hidden and unexposed.
Our first expressions of love, which are often our first and most memorable moments in life, can also become the source of our deepest distress when painted by the brush of immoral living.
True love elevates the human life to its highest level, morally and spiritually. It brings out the in us best, it elevates our aspirations and dreams beyond the ordinary, and lifts them to the heavenly.
For a woman love colors her whole life and history, but in a man it may be only a passing moment, that if repeated, may form a pattern that is unbreakable. Thus he becomes a womanizer, one without respect for purity and wholesomeness.
Someone said, “True love triumphs over reason, resists persuasion, scorns every dictate of philosophy, and like a fabled tree may be cut down in the night, but in the morning it will be found to have sprouted again in renewed freshness and beauty.”
Genuine love is rooted in our esteem and respect for each other. One cannot long love someone toward whom they have little or no respect. I have found that if people do not respect me, then, I do not need their love, for it would be disingenuous

Love’s basis is moral respect and personal esteem.

Genuine love is founded on truthfulness, integrity, honesty, and decency in a person’s character. Without these they are but hollow, empty shells, pathetic imitations, painted caricatures of attractiveness, ugly and without the prettiness that wholesomeness brings: for in them are souls; which are sordid vulgar, and cheap.
True love is dependent upon courtesy and respect, which must be the guard of our heart and our conduct. Love must be respected, never abused by careless words or secretive deeds. It must always be open and visible. What is the value of a good woman’s trust, and her affection? Her love purifies the heart and sets aflame the will of a real man to reach to his highest potential.
True love devotedly given and received is the noblest gift one can give. Love is a sacred fire not to be burned before idols nor given to other gods, but is to be kept aflame through a lifetime of total devotion to each other and to God. .

Love is dependent upon etiquette.

There is nothing in life so memorable as the first dawning of love. It will always be the secret longing of the heart to feel again those first stirrings of love: the excitation of the heart strings, carefully hidden from the view of others, but it is there, never far from the mind, and always there in our flights of fantasy and recollection.
How high will our love reach? How many injuries will it sustain and still hold fast? How many obstacles will it overcome? How many sacrifices will it be willing to make, and hurts forgive if it is real? No one knows for sure for the ages past have not been able to assess, nor total the sum of them. The hurt once give to another, may turn out to be the hurt received.

Love purifies the heart.
It makes whole, the broken pieces that are the outfall of silly mistakes; made in the infantile fumbling of the amateur lover in his pretense at love-making.
Ones disappointment in love is a hurt that lingers throughout the lifetime, when it is first given in all the sincerity oneself can give. Thus, it behooves each of us to treat it with dignity and respect. The hurt once given to another, may turn out to be the hurt received.
A woman’s love is stronger than a man’s. Men are fickle by nature when it comes to love. Each secretly imagine himself to be some kind of “Don-Juan”: actually most men are merely boys that got big, when it comes to matters of love. They are to intent upon being macho and irreplaceable to ever lower them selves to the sissy idea that love is important. OH! they may act it out well enough when they are alone with a girl, but to and with the boys, they must put their imagined manhood on display.
A good woman does not give her love only, she gives her heart: that is she gives it until it is so damaged that she dismisses her worth, freezes her heart: then she is has nothing to give but a phony imitation love: a pretense she makes to satisfy the ego of her man, but inwardly she is locked in the memory of love now past, but not forgotten. She may act out a thrill at love making with some new man, but in her mind she is carrying out the act with the love of her past.

If petting or necking is done in a way that arouses sensual pleasure in one or the other, and if these pleasures are consented to, it is a mortal sin.
Close contact of young bodies is intended by nature to arouse passions and passionate desires. Should these desires lead to intimate liberties and impure touches, they are serious sins. Those who are engaged to be married are allowed no exemption from the law of God. They may make use of the non-passionate kiss and embrace, unless this leads to grave sin or temptation. Even if petting and necking are mild enough not to be actually an occasion of sin, they are still vulgar, common, and dangerous.
Never stoop to petting and necking, for it is unworthy of a decent girl. Such actions as holding one another’s hands, sitting on one another’s lap, kissing freely, caressing, fondling, ,embracing, and other familiarities are very dangerous. These things arouse emotions and passions that are improper and awaken thoughts, desires, and even actions that are positively indecent. Permitting yourself to be led into serious temptations frequently ends in a fall. You cannot be too strict in these things. Break off associating with anyone who is inclined to this cheap form of lovemaking, for lust is usually behind it. If sin is the price of a boy’s company, you are a lucky girl if you never see him again. He does not love you. The reason why a young man will touch a girl impurely is simply and solely because he derives a sexual pleasure from it, a pleasure that he knows is sinful. Would he permit another to do the same with his own sister? You will hear it said, “But everyone does it.” No matter how many people do it, it still is wrong because God forbids all impure thoughts, desires, words, and actions. There are many souls in hell today who said, “But everybody does it.” Therefore, considering the passions of men, it is wrong and sinful to indulge in petting and necking.
A girl who is free and easy in her manners, who drinks and smokes with men, and listens to and tells off-color stories; a girl who permits a man to indulge in familiarities and take liberties with her is the type of girl who commands little respect. She may be the kind of girl that men like to play with, but she is not the sort of woman they want for a wife and for the mother of their children. Experience shows that this type of girl seldom marries; and when she does, she almost invariably marries a good-for-nothing.



There is no love between persons of the opposite sex which does not aim at nature’s design implanted by God, namely, the bringing of children into the world. Since parenthood is unlawful outside of marriage, indulgence in free love for its own sake outside marriage and apart from all intention of marriage, is unlawful and mortally sinful. The only love-making which is morally justified is that of lawful courtship, with possible marriage in view and with all the restraints of respect and modesty proper courtship and marriage imply. Worldlings try to prove to you that sinful ways are natural and that there is no wrong in obeying certain natural impulses when they call you to indulge in thoughts, desires or acts which are against the sixth and ninth commandments. Do not deceive yourself nor permit yourself to be deceived! Impurity is not sweet, though temptation and the tempter would urge that such sin is desirable. Lust lures, but in the lure lies death. If you think of man as a high-grade animal or a cultured brute, you are not going to be very backward about taking and permitting liberties on dates and in courtship. But if you regard your friend and yourself as Temples of the Holy Ghost —which you are—then you will be very careful not to desecrate those temples, though the tendencies of the lower man forever urge you to do so. If you defile His temples, God gave you His word that He will destroy you, for St. Paul says: “If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy, for the temple of God is holy, which you are.” (1 Cor. 3, 17.) That destruction need not be death: most often, following sinful dating and courtship, punishment takes the shape of destruction of peace and joy in marriage. The best way to forestall so horrid a disaster is to steer clear of every carelessness in the observance of Christian modesty in company-keeping.
Nature has endowed woman with a stronger instinct for modesty than man. That is the saddest moment in a girl’s life when for the first time she kneels before the crucifix or image of Our Lady and feels ashamed to look into the eyes of Jesus and Mary. The stain of a sin of impurity wiped out by one fatal sweep all the previous beauty and charm of her virtue. She has not the heart to meet her mother’s loving glance by looking her fondly in the eye, but casts her eyes down self-accusingly.
Woman’s welfare is more directly bound up with the preservation of chastity than that of man. It ought to be her special concern to safeguard this beautiful virtue. She can exert a special power over man in this regard, and it is her sacred duty to use this power. She can sharpen man’s conscience in these matters and inspire him with a sense of reverence with respect to everything that pertains to sex. It depends largely on her whether the sex relation will be ennobled or degraded. Man is inclined to look up to her as an ideal; it is her fault if she steps down from the pedestal and cheapens herself. The fact is that woman suffers more severely from laxity in sex matters than man and that, consequently, in self-defense she must demand an absolute respect for the virtue of chastity and allow no compromise. A young woman who prevails on her fiance to approach the sacraments with her at regular intervals builds up a strong bulwark against improper advances and obtains the best guarantee for a happy future.
Nature also gave man the instinct for the maintenance of manly honor and chivalry, which prompts him to earn the respect, attachment, and love of a pure woman. Nature inclines him to be a chivalrous protector of her virtue and honor, making him willing to suffer any hardship in order to keep her innocence from every harm, as he would in the case of his own sister. When, instead of protecting a woman’s virtue against others, man himself turns traitor and, to satisfy his low carnal desires, does what he can to wreck it, he disgraces his manhood, plays false to his title of Christian, and renders himself an object of scorn and disgust to the woman he seduces. A man who takes undue personal liberties with a girl is her deadliest enemy—a robber who has deprived her, not of all her money and jewels, but of her greatest possession, her spotless innocence. The meanest criminal, even if he murdered her in cold blood, would not be able to harm her as she has been harmed by her so-called “friend.” A girl’s worst enemy is this sort of “friend,” who, demonlike, desecrated and devastated the beautiful temple of her soul.
The preservation of chastity depends on the presence of honest and genuine love. He who sincerely loves will keep the proper distance and will not allow the bloom to be worn off the flower of love by cheapening, immoral intimacies? True love gives strength of character and assists in the acquisition of self-control. It never takes advantage of another for the sake of personal gratification.
To preserve bodily integrity before marriage, a young man must also possess some knowledge of women. Good and pure-minded women inspire respect and make the task of a young man easy, for he will have no difficulty in keeping the right distance. A self-respecting young man will have nothing to do with girls of loose morals who hold themselves cheap and sell their favors like wares. But it is the height of chivalry to deal with an intermediary group: thoughtless, superficial girls, who play with fire. They test to the utmost the character of a good young man. He must protect these silly creatures against their folly and against his own passions which they foolishly arouse.
In order that a young man may keep the virtue of chastity intact in himself and in his prospective lifemate, he must firmly believe in the possibility of a chaste life before marriage and be convinced that God demands sexual abstinence outside the married state. God imposes no duty that is beyond our power, and He knows well what man can accomplish aided by His grace. This realization will influence the young man’s attitude towards his fiancee and make him feel ashamed of any improper intimacies.
Very wisely a decent girl will conclude that if her lover insists on indulging in mutual indecent liberties in courtship, and if he cannot master himself in the period immediately preparatory to marriage, when this mastery is comparatively easy, she cannot expect him to control himself after marriage, when control is likely to be more difficult. What chance would she have for salvation and happiness in a marriage in which her partner would be a constant occasion of sin to her?
The loss of chastity will be a terrible memory in afterlife and a source of painful reproach. Chastity untarnished will be a source of moral strength and the best guarantee of fidelity in the marital union.
A frequent reason for cursed marriages is the folly of couples who under the screen of courtship usurp the privileges of married life without assuming the burdens of it. Had they abstained from illicit love making in their courtship, God would have blessed them with the sacred and lasting love the Sacrament of Matrimony and its subsequent blessings bestow. Since they loved in an unholy way before they married, God cc.nsigns them to a loveless life after their marriage. Not infrequently they must bemoan in vain their punishment or trial of not having children. Nature has its fixed purposes and limits. Once these are wilfully perverted, ignored or ruthlessly exhausted by immoral practices, no regret or promise of bet- terment will ever restore nature’s forces to their productive power. Against such sins St. Paul warns, “Be hot deceived: God is not mocked. For what things a man shall sow, those also shall he reap. For he that sows in his flesh, of the flesh also shall reap corruption. But he that sows in the spirit, of the spirit shall reap life everlasting.’? (Gal. vi. 7, 8.)
When you prepare for a date, you may make yourself as attractive as possible; that is the sensible thing to do if you do it with a good intention, that is, to show that you respect both your escort and yourself by making yourself as innocently inviting as you can, but by all means be reserved and hold your treasures from rough hands and evil desires. Rather die than permit yourself to be embraced and kissed by the men who seek your company and extend their social courtesies only to demand that you pay by surrender to their desires. The man takes you to the movie, to dinner, to a dance, to a party, or for an automobile drive, but you owe him no liberties for this. If you are an earnest Catholic girl, you will retain the grace of God and your self-respect, while enjoying the esteem of all good men. You will even make evil minds pause, dazzled by the purity in your eyes, the modesty of your actions, and the reserve in your words.